Article content
Are you looking for a horoscope that hits the mark? Here is the most honest horoscope!
Aquarius
You are very resourceful and that’s precisely why you want to go far in life. You lie a lot, you keep making the same mistakes, because in this regard you are unbelievably stupid. Nobody really likes you and others can’t even stand your face.
Pisces
You have a very vivid imagination – you often think the FBI is watching you. You have very little influence on your friends and acquaintances; they often complain that you constantly demonstrate your power. You suffer from an inferiority complex and are basically just a piece of shit. Pisces abuse animals.
Aries
You have a pioneering spirit and you think other people are just sheep. You often embarrass others, you’re very impatient and you underestimate all their advice. You know nothing other than constantly antagonizing everyone around you. You have erection problems.
Taurus
You’re practical and really persistent. You have the temperament of a bulldog and you work a lot. Most people think you’re a stubborn donkey. During conversation you slobber a lot and spit at the people opposite you. You’re a stupid communist.
Gemini
You’re quick-witted and intelligent. Many people really love you because you’re bisexual. You tend to demand a lot, preferably for free. The tips you leave in restaurants are absolutely worthless. You’re a complete tightwad. Geminis splash around in the mud of incest.
Cancer
You have a lot of empathy and understanding for other people’s problems, which is often annoying. You keep putting important things off, which is why you live on welfare and your whole life is worthless. Only crabs sit in prisons.
Leo
You think you’re a leader. Others think you’re an idiot. Most Leos are violent provocateurs. You’re conceited and can’t stand any honest criticism; your arrogance is downright blatant. Lions are thieves who prefer masturbation to real sex.
Virgo
You’re the logical type who hates mess. Your pettiness throws your friends and colleagues off balance. You’re cold, you have no feelings, and you often fall asleep during intercourse. Virgos become good politicians.
Libra
You’re an artistic type of person – that’s because you can’t cope with the real world. If you’re a man then you’re most likely gay. Your chances of getting a good job or a lot of money are somewhere between zero and minus a million. Most women born under Libra are promiscuous. Every person born under Libra has problems with sexually transmitted diseases.
Scorpio
Unreliable and very cunning. You’ll reach the top only because you don’t have a shred of morality. Many Scorpios die prematurely.
Sagittarius
You’re an optimist. You stubbornly rely on luck, but that’s only because you lack even a hint of talent. Most Sagittarians are alcoholics and are just a joke to other people. You’re worthless.
Capricorn
You’re conservative and constantly wound up. Basically you’re without character. No one important was ever born under this sign – except Arnold Benedict. Luckily most Capricorns are impotent.
