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The ability to show your feelings and empathy is evidence of our positive qualities. However, it is important to know when it is right to express them. If you feel exhausted after talking with another person, you may need to start thinking about how to change your behavior.
In our lives we often have to face a number of problems. Of course, many times we will hear complaints from our relatives and friends. On the one hand this is natural; people need to vent in some way, whether verbally or perhaps through sport. On the other hand, constantly listening to problems and complaints drains not only our positivity but especially our life energy.
Some people may talk about their problems so someone can support and advise them. Others unload their negativity onto everyone around them. And this is precisely a phenomenon you should learn to distinguish.
Perhaps people belonging to the second category will consider you insensitive egoists when you refuse their company. They may try to arouse feelings of guilt in you or something else that will make you uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid. Your refusal will mean a surge of energy and a feeling of self-respect after you eliminate this toxic contact.
Why is it not worth listening to the problems of these people? Because the one who only complains does nothing to change their life. They like being in the role of the wronged.
You try to listen to them, but how can you help them? You can’t. They in fact don’t need help; they just need to talk, but a conversation without purpose has no meaning.
They complain, subconsciously and sometimes deliberately refusing to admit the guilt that led them to such failures. Specialists who know how to influence their way of thinking should work with people of this type.
The greatest negative influence on a person is their own negative thoughts.
Complaining can never solve these problems. Your compassion will not help them; they don’t really need it. All they are looking for is release from responsibility for their own fate. But that is impossible…
But what will happen to us if we constantly listen to their lamentations and complaints?
Basically we will be pouring our own energy into emptiness. Even though we want to help them, no solution to the problems will come. We try again and again and the result is that we become exhausted.
FIRST SIGNS OF EXHAUSTION
- emotional imbalance
- difficulty solving one’s own problems
- problems with concentration
- emergence of negative thoughts
So what should we do to avoid complaints?
Set and maintain distance
The person in question may be offended by you for being indifferent. But if everyone stopped listening to his endless talks about the pointlessness of life, he would finally have to start solving his problems instead of just talking about them. And maybe he will simply stop focusing on all the bad things — that’s something, isn’t it?
Make this person understand that no one is responsible for what happens except themselves
Assume that you have listened to the man or woman in question. Don’t waste time also on sincerely telling him that this is just a drop in the ocean, because there is something much worse — his overall negative attitude toward life, his surroundings, and himself. If you have time, share your opinion with him. Either way, it’s up to him how he approaches it.
Don’t show your “weakness”
Pity and complaining are in a way manipulative. Don’t show them your willingness to engage in their well-known negative talks. This way you’ll kill two birds with one stone — you will have a clear mind and the person may begin to realize that this can’t continue. A person’s negative thinking is rarely completely dissolved. After they exhaust you, they will move on to their next “victim”.
Set boundaries
Ask the person to try to respect your right to personal space. The same applies to the choice of conversation topics. You can calmly tell them that you don’t want to talk all the time about all the world’s tragedies. Then they will be forced to divert attention away from the negative.
