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Surely you, as a child, have at some point thought that when you grow up you will treat your own children completely differently than your parents treated you. You will also surely recall some typical phrases of your parents that you utterly hated. But parenthood is much more demanding than it appears at first glance, and sooner or later we may catch ourselves using exactly the same phrases.
Sentences that negatively affect a child’s psyche
However, there are several sentences you should never say to children under any circumstances. Studies confirm that they can have quite a negative impact on children’s psychological development, especially if you use them often. So whether you already have children or are planning them for the future, bear in mind that your everyday worries should not fundamentally affect the child’s mental development.
One of these things is the seemingly innocent „Leave it, I’ll do it myself“. We most often say it during housework or cooking, when we’re in a hurry or want to guarantee a one-hundred-percent result. But if you don’t let your children help you and gradually learn these things, they will grow up lacking independence and dependent on others. It’s therefore worth risking that not everything will turn out exactly as we expect, and instead give children the opportunity to try working on their own.
Give space to their emotions and don’t compare them
A sense of security is important for children. This concerns not only physical comfort but also mental well-being. For this reason it is essential that children can freely express their feelings and worries. Phrases like „don’t cry“ or „don’t be afraid“ do not help children much in such moments. First let them explain what leads them to such a reaction, otherwise they will be emotionally confused and lose trust in you.
„Why can’t you be like him/her…“ It makes no difference whether you compare the child with a sibling, a friend, a classmate, or the neighbor’s child. Yes, maybe they just got a better grade in math or won a soccer tournament, but that doesn’t mean your child is worse. Constantly putting others on a pedestal while belittling our own child has a big negative effect on their self-confidence going forward. Children will stop believing in themselves and sometimes even give up trying to improve, because they will think it’s pointless and that they will always be less successful than others.
Don’t brush them off and keep your promises
When we are stressed, tired, or short on time, children’s disobedience does not improve our mood. To a request to turn off the computer, to help with housework, or to tidy up toys we may get a reaction like „why?“ At such moments we can easily slip into the simple „Because I said so“. But if you don’t explain the situation to children, they may feel inferior.
Be very careful about what you promise. Even if it may be trivial to you. If you don’t keep promises, the child has no chance to build trust in you. That then leads to major problems, especially during adolescence. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a promised visit to the candy shop or getting a puppy for a good report card—if you do not intend to fulfill the promise, it’s better not to say it at all.
