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Pediatricians recommend that parents listen to the advice of psychologists who know exactly how to give a child a refusal.
Here are 8 effective tips for parents on how to properly say “no” to a child:
1) Do not forbid children from expressing their emotions and feelings.
Avoid phrases like “Don’t shout”, “Don’t cry”, “Don’t be afraid”, because the child has the right to express any feelings. The main thing is that they are doing it correctly. And your task is to teach them how to express anger, irritation and fear in an acceptable way.
2) Avoid the word “can’t”.
Frequent prohibitions discourage the child from trying something new. Besides, overusing “it can’t be done” or “no” causes these words to lose importance for the child.
For the child it is better if you divert their attention from forbidden things. Just point to something more interesting, suggest their favorite toy, etc. Try to anticipate and prevent situations in which you will have to tell the children “no”.
It is recommended to put away all important or dangerous things and objects that may attract the child’s attention. On the other hand, create conditions that will be interesting to the child and will satisfy them.
If you want to do this, leave in the child’s field of view only those things they may touch, take apart, throw.
3) If a situation arises when you need to say “no”.
Do not use “no” or “can’t”. As is known, the brain does not perceive the word “no”. That means your warning “don’t touch the knife” sounds like “touch the knife”. Moreover, the more you repeat the word, the more it becomes worthless.
Therefore try to use the word “no” as little as possible. It is better to replace it with phrases like “do it this way instead”, “slow down”, “wait”, “I would do it this way”, “careful – it’s dangerous” …
4) Explain the reason for the prohibition to the child in detail.
The ban “you can’t eat these chips” must be supplemented with a detailed explanation: tell the children why they are unhealthy. By saying “you mustn’t” we deprive them of the freedom of choice.
Then there should be a clear and calm explanation: “This roller coaster is too high for you, let’s find something safer.” That way you give the child a choice and believe me, they will make the right decision.
If the child is too small and doesn’t understand you, try to distract them or take them away from the dangerous place.
5) The tone with which you pronounce the prohibition should be neutral.
Every child takes your negative emotions personally. Anger and irritation in your voice give them the signal that they are bad, you don’t love them anymore. A cheerful tone in your voice means you are joking and they may not listen to you.
The more calmly and confidently you say the word “no” and explain why it is not possible, the more calmly your child will take it.
6) If possible, offer the child an alternative.
Ideally, for every “no” you should allow the child something. After a prohibition, offer the child another alternative. You can’t draw on the walls, but you can draw on paper taped to the wall; you can’t pull the dog, but this toy can, etc.
As you know, forbidden fruit tastes best, so you must provide an alternative that would ease the disappointment the child feels after the prohibition.
7) Don’t back down.
You’ll only harm the child that way. Your “no” should be final and should be taken seriously. Tell other family members about the prohibition. Both parents must act together.
Even if you have given in to the child’s persuasion to lift the ban, tell them why you are making concessions: because you trust them, because you think any problem can be solved calmly and without scandals.
Remember: it is worth allowing this possibility when the child agreed to fulfill one of your conditions and managed to agree with you. Do not relent when the child starts whining, throws themselves on the ground or tries to blackmail you.
8) Create a system of prohibitions acceptable for your family.
Every family has its own taboos, that is strict bans that cannot be broken under any circumstances. For example “you cannot shout at your mother” or “you cannot open the door to strangers” etc.
What may be perceived as normal in one family may be considered unacceptable in another. But remember: such prohibitions should be 2-3, not more. Otherwise their importance for the child will be significantly reduced.
